Saturday, June 1, 2013

Candy Crush is the DEVIL

So while I have never been really consistent with blogging because I categorize this as "for me" and therefore it drops in the priority list beneath ... well, like everything ... I have been especially bad lately.  Now that Meatball is out of school for the summer I am not sure if that will help or hinder my productivity.  The Beans has taken this last month as an opportunity to hone his skills for driving me completely bat shit crazy.  I am pretty sure this child will be either a horrible dictator or like the best interrogator the CIA or some other agency has ever seen.  This kiddo could make the sanest, strongest, most bad ass mother trucker break -- and I am none of those things so I deserve a medal for holding it together this long.


Anyway, Candy Crush is the freaking devil.

Productivity is a questionable thing anyway.  I mean really, I have such lofty goals and plans and most of them laugh in my face as they go down in flames anyway.  It isn't like I need anything helping me NOT accomplish stuff.  I am totally awesome at doing that myself!  So when a few weeks ago I started getting a bajillion requests for crap from my friends on facebook for this game I was intrigued, but alarmed.

It is best to know yourself and accept who you are.

I know that I am an obsessive compulsive yet extremely competitive buffoon with absolutely no self control or discipline who also has a lot to do and never gets any of it fully done.

Games like Bejeweled and Words With Friends?  Kryptonite to any resolve I may have otherwise magically developed.

So when my friends were all falling like moths to a bug zapper light I swore I wouldn't even TRY it.  Wouldn't even LOOK at it.

I lasted three weeks.  Seriously, I am actually pretty proud I made it that long y'all.

Because I am a sneaky junkie I didn't let it connect to my facebook page, thus I could hide my addiction.  Then I got to level 35 and was told I needed my "friends" to help me move on.


As if making me wait 30 freaking minutes for a new life when I run out of chances to die wasn't evil enough???

Now I am dependent upon all the people whom I have been ignoring and diligently deleting their requests for help?  Karma is gonna have fun with me as I send out my own pleas for help isn't it?

Yes.  Yes, it freaking is.

I need three friends to help me move past 35 into whatever that chocolaty looking lake thing is and I have two.  Everybody and their mother gives me lives but no one is given me whatever it is I need in order to make the bubble after 35 light up.  WTF?!

I don't need lives people, it is best that I have a self imposed break of needing my lives to refill every 30 minutes.  That means I may do something else for 30 minutes.  Someone help me get into the choco-lakey-thing!

This is exactly why I didn't want to play this game.  Because I knew what it would do to me.  In my inability to move forward I have obsessively backtracked now with the intention/goal of beating the crap out of everyone else's scores on the previous 34 levels.

What started off as a "oh I am waiting in line" or "I have to go to the bathroom" game has turned into a "HAS IT BEEN 30 MINUTES YET?!" obsession.

Is there a 12 step program for Candy Crush?  Or does someone just want to give me whatever it is I need to get to level 35 and continue this vicious love hate cycle?

Only 21:17 to go ...

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