terminology

Like all highly scientific, complicated things, this blog comes with its own uber complex terminology.  Just like you bust out the Merck Manual when reading medical stuffs, here is the online version for the complex art that is Domestic Rocket Surgery.  This list is a living breathing biotch, growing in its false complexity as I go along.

The Betty Factor -- TBF -- As in Betty Crocker.  The Betty Factor refers to the ability (which appears to occur naturally in some people) to cook and bake frequently, well and with ease.  I do not have this ability, but I am trying to pretend.

The Beans -- This is my second born.  Its not his actual name if you were wondering.

Boybarians -- My two children and my husband.

Crapalanche -- This is self explanatory.  Crap + avalanche = my home, most of the time.  Werkin' on it.

Dobby -- Dobby is the House Elf in the Harry Potter series.  We get our geek on and all love those books more than most people revere holy things, but I use the Dobby reference not only because I am a Pot Head  --er,  I mean Potter Head.  Anyway, house elves are creatures that are invisible to the wizarding world, their sole purpose is to cook, clean, and take care of all the menial tasks all while remaining unseen and unnoticed.  The mark of a good house elf is that you never really know they are there, because to notice them means they aren't executing the job properly.  Oh, and they supposedly enjoy the cleaning, cooking, and slavey lifestyle they have.  We have a Dobby in our house.  I am Dobby.  I don't particularly like being Dobby.

The June Factor -- TJF -- This is the least of the three factors I am trying to develop.  June Cleaver always looked all coiffed and shit. I am lucky if I remember to put mascara on both eyes and shower daily.  Thus, I see this as the least attainable of my goals because its highly unlikely that I will be able to look put together while managing my household.  But maybe someday.

The Martha Factor -- TMF -- As in Stewart.  This references one's craftastical abilities, which again, I happen to lack over all.  I was originally an art major in that bull shitty way of thinking I was deep merely because I was confusing.  Rather, I learned some tricks on drawing and painting, but somehow crafting is like a foreign language I have no hope of speaking.  Crafts are like my Tagalog.  Again, I perceive that an ability to cook well, scrapbook, and walk in heels are all marks of an idealized mom and I am trying to master all of it.  Except the heels, screww that.

Meatball -- My first born.  Also not his actual name.

The Minions -- My children.

Paul Bunyan -- My husband.  So named because he is quite tall and looks a bit like a lumberjack.

Pintercrack -- Apart from Dr. Pepper and beer this is my other vice.  I have like fifty bajillion pins, and am trying to actually use some of the cleaver stuff I see/learn/pin rather than just become a pin hoarder.  Right now I am just a pin hoarder.