la purga, part dos

So I sucked at blogging with any regularity again, what else is new right?  Things have been a bit nuts around here but if I start to expalin I will just sound whiney, so leave it at I have been suffering massively, mkay?

Anyhoo, the point of my post was not to whine, but rather to try and redirect my energies and focus on making me and my household as a whole better again.  Yay us!  This has meant for a lot of changes, and I have to be kind with myself on how to inflict, er, I mean institute them.  I have learned/am learning to accept my own boundaries and limitations physically and mentally (again, I would get whiny if I started LOL) and am constantly trying to honor them better than I have been.

While we did a la purga and a 100 Things Challenge a while back I still felt like we had a lot of crap and it was way too easy to not follow through after getting rid of stuff.  After all, all I did was toss stuff, not actually institute any kind of plan on how to not accumulate crap or how to organize the crap I kept.  And, if I am really honest, we just moved and transfered a lot of crap.  We kept tons of it, just moved it.  Not effective in the long run.

Pintercrack, as always, came to my rescue with this gem.

Ah, forty sounds so much less overwhelming than a list of 100 doesn't it?  Truth is with this we are getting rid of waaaay more than 100 things but far more importantly than the fullness of the Goodwill and trash bins around here is that we are trying to actually come up with a place for things.  It is impossible to keep a house clean if things don't ALL have a home.  I know this is obvious, yet somehow we were living in a state of denial about it.  We were also living in a state of chaos as a result.

So, la purga part dos was instituted and I began checking forty things off a list.  I won't share all of them here because, well, some are really boring if nothing else.  However some I will because I might just be soo proud of my accomplishing the impossible.  My hope is that I will see this one through and it will make an actual difference in our little hovel!  As of this writing I have actually already marked off exactly 21 things, so that is a good start!


Without further adieu, here is my list of 40 Things To Purge/Do/Clean:

1. Clean out Food Pantry
2. Outside of fridge
3. Shelves in Kitchen
4. Under Kitchen Sink
5. Inside Kitchen Cabinets
6. Clean the Microwave
7. Clean the Oven
8. Inside of Fridge
9. Buffet Table Thing
10. Bean's Dresser
11. My Dresser
12. Paul Bunyan's Dresser
13. Our Closet
14. Under Our Bed
15. Our Bathroom
16. Meatball's Bathroom
17. Meatball's Closet
18. Meatball's Dresser
19. Meatball's Shelves
20. Beans' Closet
21. Kids Glasses and Cups
22. Pots/Pans/Bowls Cabinet
23. Meatball's desk area
24. Our Desk Area
25. Living Room Toys
26. Living Room Baskets
27. Files
28. Outside Bar Stuff
29. Outdoor Toys
30. Side Yard
31. Shed
32. Washer and Drier Area
33. Cel Phone Apps and Contacts
34. Files on the Computer
35. Pictures
36. Keepsakes
37. Deep Freezer Clean Out & Organize
38. Recipes and Cookbooks, again!
39. Command Center
40. Board Games

P.S.  If you notice a biannual pattern to my sudden cleaning obsessions do not think that I have some kind of reasonable drive to organize.  My in-laws visit us roughly twice a year, usually just after the purgas.  Coincidence?  I think not.

plotting, fear, and parenting

Recently we had some child-less friends over.

No, no, no, not that kind.  I know you immediately read "childless friends" and pictured the people you silently wish demon children on because they have parenting aaaaallll figured out already.  The ones who will never swear in front of their children and will teach them to sleep in on weekends while always saying please and thank you and loving their broccoli.  Pssh, right.   

These aren't those kinds of friends.  Generally, we run those people off when we explain that a chilled beer can makes a great teething toy for your baby -- true story!

Anyhoo, the good kind of friends without children -- the ones you quietly envy because they can do shit like sleep in occasionally -- came over and we were having a great time.  At some point in the evening I opened a cabinet door up and realized I hadn't told Paul Bunyan of my recent dollar store splurge.

Oh yes, silly string.

One can for me, and one for the mister.

The best part of being married to someone who is so totally your soul mate is that you never have to explain your plotting, they just get it.  And he got it, because when he saw two cans of silly string in an out-of-kids-reach-cabinet he knew precisely what it was for.

The Meatball ambush.

Here is some unsolicited parenting advice for you -- cuz all parents just love that stuff! -- fear is an amazing parenting tool.

Don't get stupid on me now, please know that when I say "fear" it ain't the call CPS kind.

Its the "holy crap, is my dad really chasing me down the hall  with a machine gun style Nerf gun?" kind of fear.  I still regret not getting pictures of that one.

But Monsieur Bunyan and I will not fail to get pictures of the Great Silly String Ambush.  I might need to bring a third party in on it because it will be hard to capture these lovely memories while squeezing that trigger.  But if I needed assistance, we have plenty of people I am sure who'd be willing to offer a hand, as evidenced by the reaction the room had to our discussion.

It was at this point that I offered my theory on parenting children and fear: the key is to be totally inconsistent.  See, children thrive on consistency and routine, all true.  But as they age and start to be independent and hormonal and stuff you have to shake things up a bit.  So if your child knows you will embarrass the crap out of them, they will purposely avoid situations in which you could ever see anyone they might know.  But if you are the cool mom/dad sometimes ... then BAM sneak attack a "bye bye Bubbykins, have a great day at school! Mommy looooooves you!" every now and then at drop-off in front of other students, you have real power.

So now the question is when and where?  I won't do the silly string at school because that would be disruptive as hell (still have enough of the teacher in me).  So the plotting continues ... and pictures and an update will eventually come ...

whudoyacallit?

So the husband and I have been trying to stash away enough cash to make it to a friend's wedding.  In our efforts to cut corners where we could so as to not create debit with this trip we were thinking about friends we could ask to just stay here that weekend to watch our dogs rather than need to send them to the place we love for dog sitting.  Surely we could find someone who'd want to just chill with our air conditioning, Wii, and dogs for a weekend.  And beer, we will buy you a 30 pack.

We narrowed it down to two good buddies, then one of them got back with his girlfriend ... and so that guy (nice as he is) dropped off my list.  When the husband asked why he was no longer on my list I replied that anyone who is in the Make-Up-Sex-Stage is not welcome in my home unsupervised.

I think I might need to Clorox the house just thinking about it.

This led to a train of thought in my husband that was decidedly male.  We need sex stages in our life.

Huh? I asked.

We don't argue, so we need something else.  We need replacements for Make Up Sex.

While this made me laugh, it did make me think.  I do not think that I am alone in my female perspective and approach towards nookie at the moment.  Its not that it is "bad," on the contrary its quite fabulous.  Its just that sleep is sooo good too.  I am not in love with my postpartum, aging body, so anything that requires disrobing is less than appealing.  I am worn out on the best of days.  My sleep is interrupted constantly, and no matter how much or little of it I get I still have to be up and going every morning.  The house cheerleader, the lone voice of reason and semi-cheer in a house of non-morning people.  So every second of precious sleep is valuable to me.  Its the only time no one is asking anything of me, pulling on me, crying to me, snotting/pooping/peeing on me ... you get the picture.  And I only get that breather for as long as the Beans sleeps.  Neither of my kiddos are sleep through the nighters.

So when faced with the option of mattress mambo or sleep ... yes, I admit that no matter how fabulously attractive I find my husband, no matter how gloriously toe curling he can make me feel ... there are times where the sleep is just a bit more appealing.

But the humorist and sarcastic twerp in me was intrigued at the idea of making up names for Make Up Sex replacements.  What does the responsible, monogamous, non-arguing couple have?  Here are some of my husband approved ideas.

"We are too broke for anything else" sex.
"It is Tuesday" sex
"Everything good on TV is already DVR'd" sex
"We had Mac N Cheese for dinner" sex
"He thinks stomaching through an episode from my The Tudors DVDs is four play" sex

His ideas were far simpler.

"Its day time" sex
"Why not?" sex

I think he got stuck there because in his mind the last one covered every possibility imaginable.

Coming up with funny names/reasons really isn't what I need -- a vacation and 20 fewer pounds is what I need.  Its reassuring to see that despite all my insecurities my husband apparently needs not reason, just enough oxygen.

So, am I the only one in this boat of seeing sleep as sometimes slightly more valuable overall?