Tuesday, February 4, 2014

the Moron + the Overachiever

My dog is a moron.

Cute, very loyal and great with kids, but for the purposes of this post I want to really focus on what a moron he is.

My husband is an overachiever.

He is an overachiever who likes "survival stuff" and transferred all his hemp knot knowledge from high school into paracord knots for all kinds of supposed practical stuff.  I have yet to see any of these things function in their secondary way (i.e. a bracelet that can come apart and be used as rope to repel down a mountain or something) but I am sure they would be usable in a pinch.

Just a few examples.
Seriously, we have hundreds of these.
Combine the overachieving husband and the moron dog and what do you get?  Me, praying over dog poop.

Paul Bunyan has made more paracord bracelets, key chains, zipper pulls, and knife handle cover things than I can count.  We have all sorts of colors including the natural camo looking ones and neon ones too.  *eye roll*

This one is mine.  I won't complain about this one ;)
Well a few weeks ago he made one, with like 40 feet of freaking cord in it.  Black and yellow.  It looks like a normal bracelet and everything, but if you unravel it you have some crazy long colorful rope.  Well he left it on his nightstand, which was a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

Cue the moron, but cute dog.  This one.

He got bored, and by the time we got home all that was left were two black clips with teeth marks in them.

So somewhere IN my dog is like 40 feet of paracord.  It is possible for it to, um, pass on its own.  So now here we are two days later and suddenly Furry McMoron is wanting to poo a lot.  But he doesn't actually poo a lot.

Here is hoping it is still small enough to pass and hasn't unraveled ... I shudder to think of 40 feet worth of cord unraveled.  He is acting fine and has another 24 hours before I resentfully drag his booty into the vet and fork over a small country's worth in vet bills for them to say "he is a moron" and take care of it.

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