Thursday, March 6, 2014

more on Tom and Vitamixes

Dear Tom,

This is in no way a Dear-John letter.  Say the word and I will pour your tea for life honey.  (Please note if you read this and you are my actual husband that I love you and will pour your tea too.)

Its just that previously I went on the record with the assertion that it was either you OR the Vitamix I have desperately wanted for about three years.  Well, I got the blender.  Words like "awesome!" or "in-freaking-credible!" don't even come close to describing it or the size of my guilt stricken panic attacks at the cash register.  I knew what it would cost, we have been planning for it for a long time because we knew that our families dietary needs were not the norm.  We knew we'd have to jump the gun on this one eventually, so we did.

In no way does it lessen my devotion to you, however.

I swear I could blend a brick down to pudding, and it is officially the only dang thing in my house that isn't me AND cleans up after itself.  I have had it for a few days now and used it at least three to four times each day and I get a little excited each time.

I remember when I read the whole Twilight saga (don't judge) that there was a part where Bella was bemoaning the pain she didn't even knew she felt when she wasn't in the presence of the sparkly dude who suddenly gave her talent-less-klutzy-ass value and meaning.  I remember the scene was with him coming to the door or something and she was like all relieved, that being in his presence alleviated something for her.  I also remember rolling my eyes a little here -- even though I know I feel infinitely happier in the presence of my husband, the whole needy desperate tone was just too much to not have to look at the inside/back of my skull for a moment.  I judged.

I no longer judge, because the Vitamix does this to me too now.  It is my sparkly, emo, vampire with fabulous hair and questionable hygiene.

Don't get me wrong, I am sure that you would be too if I ever had the pleasure of actually meeting you.

Did you know that ice can actually be creamy?  Like if you blend it fast enough... no, wait, even more "OMG" moment for me: do you know where powdered sugar comes from?

Not something I ever gave any thought too.  Back when my children and my genetics had not yet betrayed me and I could buy cake mixes and boxed brownies I would splurge and buy powdered sugar to make my thirty minutes and three ingredients concoctions look fancier and more home-made-ish.  I always marveled at how it was more expensive than normal sugar and assumed this was because it was like a special cane or something.  Like it had to be harvested on a full moon by elves riding unicorns or something.

Nope.  They just take regular ol' granulated sugar and blend the shat out of it.  Am I the only person who didn't know that?!

I tried to make mashed potatoes yesterday.  It was just soup when I was done, but I proudly presented my mistake to my family, whom thought it was the most delicious potato soup they'd ever had.  Seriously, as a family with a million dietary restrictions and *finger quotes here* issues *end finger quotes* I don't know how we could live without it anymore!

We named it.  I name all my appliances and other stuff too.  It is Gandalf the Grey.  Because it is actually grey ... and it can do magic.

Anyway, my beloved, it has been said by many poets and other smart people that love is infinite and stuff.  So, like, I take that to mean that while my love for you has not lessened my heart is capable of even more love and devotion now with Vitamix in the house.  I'm like the Grinch, y'all.  My heart grew three sizes the other day.

In closing I would like to reaffirm my love and devotion to your hotness, and point out that this is in no way one of those affiliate blogpost type things where I get a kickback or was paid to wax poetic about the awesome beauty that is my high powered blender.  However, if you are either Tom Hiddleston (call me!) or a representative of Vitamix interested in showering me with more Vita-love ... well either way, call me!

With love, respect and all that other stuff,


P.S. I really hope all my gifs work!!

No comments:

Post a Comment