Wednesday, June 6, 2012

dafuq is dat?

Okay so not only do I suck at all things domestic, but I also seem to bomb at blogging with regularity lately.  If it makes it any better, I have been thinking about blogging and taking lots of pictures of projects, ideas and failures in my absence.  That's something, right?  Right.

To make it up to you, hows about some dafuq moments brought to you ala moi?

The best laid plans ...

So I have been pinning my ass off (oh if only that were possible in a literal sense!) with summer ideas so that we don't need to save up on a "bail fund" for mommy.  One of the many ideas I have pinned, and intend to do, is chore sticks.  Here are some pretty ones.

cool idea, but my children will
make this a weapon
very cute
the Queen of chore sticks
So I started a chore stick project I found here (pictured above).  These sticks are like da bomb, as my 13 year old self would have said.  She made a metric ton of them, with awesome ideas ranging from checking tire pressure to dusting everything in the house.  They are cute, they are numerous, and they are free!  Yay!  How can I screw this up? Oh, have more faith in me than that my friends!  More on this to come ... but here is an in progress image for you.

It shows such promise, doesn't it.  Yeah, that would be false advertising.

Did I forget a step?

So apart from being *ahem* crafty and all that, I also am thrifty.  Yes, I am the One Cheap Biotch, and sometimes I do it well.  While I was perusing my local Fresh & Easy aisles I discovered several weeks ago that they have a clearance rack.  Cue happy dance!  Yes, you can just imagine my utter joy to find items that are expiring that day or they had too many of that are marked down like 50% in some cases!

So they had some of their dough in the cold clearance for 75 cents each, and I happily grabbed two because anything that can masquerade as "homemade" without me having to haul my Kitchen Aid out is one of my favorite meals.  It expired that day, and I wasn't going to use it, so I came home and froze it.  So far so good.

Well that was like 2 weeks ago, so the other day I pulled it out to use for the next day.  I have seen my mom, who has more domestic skills than me but only marginally, do the following with frozen dough:  oil up a bowl, put the frozen dough in it, cover it, let the dough thaw and rise.  Easy peasy, right?  Yeah, I can do that!

So I coat two bowls in olive oil.  I place the frozen dough in the bowls.  I then cover with a towel and refrigerate.

See the problem?  Well I didn't, yet.

Fast forward and I can see through my clear bowl that it is thawed and risen and I am thinking I am pretty hot shit so far, now just to figure out what to do with it ... when I remove the towel.
This image search yielded a picture taken by someone
who knew what they were doing.  Show off.


My dough was thawed and risen quite nicely, and it also had this nice hard, dry layer covering it.

Last night while watching a recording of one of my most fave shows ever, Bitchen Kitchen, my hero Nadia G ever so simply explained the step I missed.  I had it right all the way up to the towel ... because under the towel you need to cover the bowl with plastic wrap.  Okay, face palm, duh, WTF was I thinking?!  I mean seriously, I knew that, somewhere in my mind I did.  My mom always did that too.  Stupid, stupid.

So I ruined $1.25 worth of my "cheap" dough being a flaming moron.  Dafuq was I thinking?!

Where in the grocery store is ...?

In order to not snap and start drinking at 9:30 every morning this summer I am doing summer school/homeschool  with the oldest.  It may sound like more work, but its not.  Keeping him busy and occupying his mind is priceless for my sanity and keeps him from burning the house down.  One of the things I am doing is making a weekly grocery store scavenger hunt.  I will share them later, but ultimately I make him go do his own thing with a clip board while I get the stuff we need, both of us are happy with this situation.  But this week I felt like I was the ten year old with the clip board.

I wanted to make something special for Meatball because he is really trying not to make me go insane.  I found this recipe for the Pumpkin Juice from Harry Potter a while back and decided this was the week to make it.  So I have everything on the short list, but cardamon.  And that is what???  I am pretty sure that it is a spice, so I head to the baking aisle, a place I am not spotted often.

Do you have any idea how many freaking spices there are to chose from?!  Holy spice trade Batman!

Sigh.  Cardamom, that evasive foe.
I stood there for like 5,000 hours with a screaming baby who is able to grab things out of the cart now even from his little prison perch in the front of the cart -- that stupid buckle is worthless with Houdini baby -- and is throwing them at innocent bystanders who are dashing by desperately in fear.

And I cannot find anything that even sounds like cardamom.

When the Beans' screams reached a decibel level that I am sure had bats in South America crashing into cave walls in confusion, I decided that this was not the week for a special drink for any Minion.  Maybe for Mommy, but not for the Minions.

So I still don't have cardamom, still not fully sure what it is I need -- about to google it, no worries, I will figure this shit out -- and I am pretty sure there are people still talking about me and my howler monkey baby and clip board toting geek child.

Is this a dafuq moment?  I think so.

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